She has a low threshold for what is misogyny imo and that whole video is just this book sucks and so does this one and this one. But it’s been like 15 years since I’ve read it. I still thought it was a good read
One could say the women had a choice though, unless you say he was a rapist. If they chose his behavior, it must’ve been fine right? Or are you telling women what they’re allowed to like?
I’m saying that he admitted to psychologically abusing women to sleep with them by making them feel inadequate.
Your call on how you’d like to rationalize that.
If it makes you feel any better, he eventually stopped doing it because he didn’t like how easy it was to manipulate women like that and seemingly showed some remorse for his actions and went back to just regular womanizing.
Again, I say this as a huge Feynman fan and I’ve read all his books and watched all his stuff.
I’m not rationalizing. I’m just hoping that women (people in general) can be educated in the future to recognize such (relatively) easy to recognize misbehaviours and just don’t let them work. Hearing something like “I really like how you wear your hair, I could never be so daring” should immediately trigger anger and disgust at the shitty comment instead of shame or seeking of approval.
What I’m saying is, if women in general wouldn’t let this behavior work, then shitty people probably would stop using it.
I want to be careful with my reply here, because I’m not sure exactly how you meant that and I suspect you didn’t mean it how it comes across.
While, yes, I agree in general people should educate themselves on how to spot and deal with manipulators like this; by putting the responsibility on the women to observe and defend against predator like behavior and manipulation, instead of the predator themselves changing their behavior to be less predatory and manipulative:
That reads exactly like a victim blaming mentality. You’re putting the onus (however unintentionally) on the victim to change their completely normal and expected behavior to be less likely to be victimized.
Instead, maybe women could live in a world where men weren’t trying to manipulate them just to sleep with them. Why should they need special training to deal with those people in the world instead of those people learning that it’s not ok to manipulate, lie, and abuse women (or men or anyone this could happen to); to get what they want from them.
Again, I think from reading your tone and style, you likely didn’t realize that’s how it comes across, so I wanted to present this to you assuming you genuinely care about women and their well being.
And the best way to help would be to learn to recognize and avoid perpetuating the dog whistling like this that happens when victim blaming.
Everyone has an “aha” moment where they didn’t realize they were doing it subconsciously, because our society has trained us to think about things from a defensive point of view (myself included).
But that’s not a healthy mentality and we can do better by not normalizing putting the blame on the victims of psychological or physical manipulation.
Is it really completely normal to be insulted by someone and then decide “well that seems like someone I should have sex with!”?
I know that what I’m doing is essentially victim blaming. I know that that is a terrible thing in theory. However, it’s in my opinion important to take the exact situation into account.
For example, if someone dresses sexily and gets raped and then you tell them “shouldn’t have dressed like that”, that’s totally unacceptable, because dressing sexily should be possible without being raped.
However, when for example someone tells their friends secrets even with good intentions, maybe to help someone, and the ones they told secrets about then stop their friendship, that is obviously fine and maybe the one telling secrets shouldn’t have told them, even if they meant well. This is obviously a different situation, but you’d still be technically “victim blaming” if you tell them not to tell the secrets, but now it’s justified victim blaming. Or maybe even a more clear example is someone burning themselves on a hot coffee cup. You don’t blame the barista for making the coffee too hot, but the victim for “should have known coffee is hot”.
This situation we talk about right here is imo right in the middle. No one should use negging obviously, it’s shitty behavior. But also, really, sleeping with someone after they insult you? They tell you exactly what kind of asshole they are and you still sleep with them? It’s definitely not 100% of the blame, but I’d say around 40% or something. It’s like someone getting burned when there’s a big red sign “Caution! Hot! Don’t touch!”. Maybe the hot thing could have been secured better or something, but it’s still not unreasonable to tell them to maybe watch out and not touch when there’s an obvious sign like that.
The initial comment squarely placed the blame on Feynman, which is completely fine, the blame is there. All I’m doing is saying that maaaaybe it also would make sense for the women to be smart enough to not fall for something that should be so extremely obvious. Like, both things can be stupid and should not be done, at the same time.
Autobiography may be too strong of a term https://youtube.com/watch?v=56HgNKC5HJU
She has a low threshold for what is misogyny imo and that whole video is just this book sucks and so does this one and this one. But it’s been like 15 years since I’ve read it. I still thought it was a good read
I mean, Feynman was undeniably a womanizer. He practically invented “negging”.
That doesn’t diminish his incredible mind, talent, wittiness, charm, and appeal.
He just liked using and sleeping with a bunch of women. As was the style at the time.
One could say the women had a choice though, unless you say he was a rapist. If they chose his behavior, it must’ve been fine right? Or are you telling women what they’re allowed to like?
I’m saying that he admitted to psychologically abusing women to sleep with them by making them feel inadequate.
Your call on how you’d like to rationalize that.
If it makes you feel any better, he eventually stopped doing it because he didn’t like how easy it was to manipulate women like that and seemingly showed some remorse for his actions and went back to just regular womanizing.
Again, I say this as a huge Feynman fan and I’ve read all his books and watched all his stuff.
But he did what he did.
I’m not rationalizing. I’m just hoping that women (people in general) can be educated in the future to recognize such (relatively) easy to recognize misbehaviours and just don’t let them work. Hearing something like “I really like how you wear your hair, I could never be so daring” should immediately trigger anger and disgust at the shitty comment instead of shame or seeking of approval.
What I’m saying is, if women in general wouldn’t let this behavior work, then shitty people probably would stop using it.
I want to be careful with my reply here, because I’m not sure exactly how you meant that and I suspect you didn’t mean it how it comes across.
While, yes, I agree in general people should educate themselves on how to spot and deal with manipulators like this; by putting the responsibility on the women to observe and defend against predator like behavior and manipulation, instead of the predator themselves changing their behavior to be less predatory and manipulative:
That reads exactly like a victim blaming mentality. You’re putting the onus (however unintentionally) on the victim to change their completely normal and expected behavior to be less likely to be victimized.
Instead, maybe women could live in a world where men weren’t trying to manipulate them just to sleep with them. Why should they need special training to deal with those people in the world instead of those people learning that it’s not ok to manipulate, lie, and abuse women (or men or anyone this could happen to); to get what they want from them.
Again, I think from reading your tone and style, you likely didn’t realize that’s how it comes across, so I wanted to present this to you assuming you genuinely care about women and their well being.
And the best way to help would be to learn to recognize and avoid perpetuating the dog whistling like this that happens when victim blaming.
Everyone has an “aha” moment where they didn’t realize they were doing it subconsciously, because our society has trained us to think about things from a defensive point of view (myself included).
But that’s not a healthy mentality and we can do better by not normalizing putting the blame on the victims of psychological or physical manipulation.
Is it really completely normal to be insulted by someone and then decide “well that seems like someone I should have sex with!”?
I know that what I’m doing is essentially victim blaming. I know that that is a terrible thing in theory. However, it’s in my opinion important to take the exact situation into account.
For example, if someone dresses sexily and gets raped and then you tell them “shouldn’t have dressed like that”, that’s totally unacceptable, because dressing sexily should be possible without being raped.
However, when for example someone tells their friends secrets even with good intentions, maybe to help someone, and the ones they told secrets about then stop their friendship, that is obviously fine and maybe the one telling secrets shouldn’t have told them, even if they meant well. This is obviously a different situation, but you’d still be technically “victim blaming” if you tell them not to tell the secrets, but now it’s justified victim blaming. Or maybe even a more clear example is someone burning themselves on a hot coffee cup. You don’t blame the barista for making the coffee too hot, but the victim for “should have known coffee is hot”.
This situation we talk about right here is imo right in the middle. No one should use negging obviously, it’s shitty behavior. But also, really, sleeping with someone after they insult you? They tell you exactly what kind of asshole they are and you still sleep with them? It’s definitely not 100% of the blame, but I’d say around 40% or something. It’s like someone getting burned when there’s a big red sign “Caution! Hot! Don’t touch!”. Maybe the hot thing could have been secured better or something, but it’s still not unreasonable to tell them to maybe watch out and not touch when there’s an obvious sign like that.
The initial comment squarely placed the blame on Feynman, which is completely fine, the blame is there. All I’m doing is saying that maaaaybe it also would make sense for the women to be smart enough to not fall for something that should be so extremely obvious. Like, both things can be stupid and should not be done, at the same time.