• HootinNHollerin@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
        81·
        3 days ago

        She has a low threshold for what is misogyny imo and that whole video is just this book sucks and so does this one and this one. But it’s been like 15 years since I’ve read it. I still thought it was a good read

        • neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
          61·
          3 days ago

          I mean, Feynman was undeniably a womanizer. He practically invented “negging”.

          That doesn’t diminish his incredible mind, talent, wittiness, charm, and appeal.

          He just liked using and sleeping with a bunch of women. As was the style at the time.

          • Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
            13·
            3 days ago

            One could say the women had a choice though, unless you say he was a rapist. If they chose his behavior, it must’ve been fine right? Or are you telling women what they’re allowed to like?

            • neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
              3·
              3 days ago

              I’m saying that he admitted to psychologically abusing women to sleep with them by making them feel inadequate.

              Your call on how you’d like to rationalize that.

              If it makes you feel any better, he eventually stopped doing it because he didn’t like how easy it was to manipulate women like that and seemingly showed some remorse for his actions and went back to just regular womanizing.

              Again, I say this as a huge Feynman fan and I’ve read all his books and watched all his stuff.

              But he did what he did.

              • Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
                13·
                3 days ago

                I’m not rationalizing. I’m just hoping that women (people in general) can be educated in the future to recognize such (relatively) easy to recognize misbehaviours and just don’t let them work. Hearing something like “I really like how you wear your hair, I could never be so daring” should immediately trigger anger and disgust at the shitty comment instead of shame or seeking of approval.

                What I’m saying is, if women in general wouldn’t let this behavior work, then shitty people probably would stop using it.

                • neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
                  3·
                  2 days ago

                  I want to be careful with my reply here, because I’m not sure exactly how you meant that and I suspect you didn’t mean it how it comes across.

                  While, yes, I agree in general people should educate themselves on how to spot and deal with manipulators like this; by putting the responsibility on the women to observe and defend against predator like behavior and manipulation, instead of the predator themselves changing their behavior to be less predatory and manipulative:

                  That reads exactly like a victim blaming mentality. You’re putting the onus (however unintentionally) on the victim to change their completely normal and expected behavior to be less likely to be victimized.

                  Instead, maybe women could live in a world where men weren’t trying to manipulate them just to sleep with them. Why should they need special training to deal with those people in the world instead of those people learning that it’s not ok to manipulate, lie, and abuse women (or men or anyone this could happen to); to get what they want from them.

                  Again, I think from reading your tone and style, you likely didn’t realize that’s how it comes across, so I wanted to present this to you assuming you genuinely care about women and their well being.

                  And the best way to help would be to learn to recognize and avoid perpetuating the dog whistling like this that happens when victim blaming.

                  Everyone has an “aha” moment where they didn’t realize they were doing it subconsciously, because our society has trained us to think about things from a defensive point of view (myself included).

                  But that’s not a healthy mentality and we can do better by not normalizing putting the blame on the victims of psychological or physical manipulation.