my thought is, wherever those words came from, no matter how expected it may seem, it doesn’t make it right.

I’ve gotten a new phone line, changed my important stuff and shut off the other one. I know spawnpoint probably wouldn’t shut off my phone, but having control over that communication channel and a part of my life is reassuring because I still don’t trust her. the only one that can contact me is my grandma now.

I don’t expect her to cozy up after this, but if she does I won’t entertain it. I’ve been brief with her ever since she shut down my feelings the first time and I feel no obligation to engage with her outside of upcoming therapy.

grandma knows where I am and I’m keeping in touch with her only. she understands I’m prioritizing my wellbeing and by extension my studies. I’ll see what I can do because she lives far from my school.

as for spawnpoint, I’m not sure whether she ers on the side of bigotry or misunderstanding. I was ok with her crying and I tried to be as accommodating as possible while I awaited a session with a therapist to talk things out in a controlled environment.

nonetheless, I don’t want to stay in a house where that’s what someone says to me or thinks of me. I don’t wanna have to walk on eggshells deciding whether something I want to do to care for myself will cause her to lash out. I mean hell I was afraid to use a hair dryer or shave my face. being there wasn’t good for my health.

safe to say I’ll try my best to avoid talking to her outside of that upcoming appointment.

if the shoe fits…!

thx hehe

omg I should go back and rewatch some shows… preferrably something less emotionally peaking

best of luck ❤️❤️🫂

that pretty much describes it for me. it’s living now. I actually feel things when they happen and I’m not just a blank box of stoicism!!!

unnecessary divisiveness.

no one is better than another for buying X over Y because X buyers are stupid for purchasing from X because Y is clearly superior.

all companies are trying to fuck us over. sooner or later they all go as scummy as possible and they won’t care. voting with your wallet at that point will be impossible or a race to the bottom. stand with your fellow common man and say “this sucks, let’s target the bigger picture together and make sure this can’t happen anymore.”

if we don’t get priced out of everything we want and need you can’t survive? boo fucking hoo.

yay!!! best of luck :3

I suspect I have some kind of neurodivergency so it might connect, considering outside is just sooo mesmerizing now I get distracted a lot. still have to get it checked out though

a lot of the trains run by the MTA are unpainted shiny metal boxes bc of easy cleanup after graffiti (ex. the M7 and M9 in the video plus an R160, R179 and R188 from NYC)

a little sad that we get boring looking things :( I’ve seen pretty looking trains from other areas, especially Poland, but our newer ones certainly pop with the shine!!!

meet spawnpoint: the person who birthed me… still believes she can “fix” me. I just play into it but when I’m alone and out I get shit done for myself.

for me personally HRT really did just alleviate so many of the depressive symptoms I had, although I never got a formal diagnosis. I had a feeling if I did though I’d be treating a symptom and not the cause

best of luck!!! ❤️

thx ❤️

I always find my moments eventually, even with unsupportive parent and a cramped apartment :3

it’s so bad… 💔🫂

I haven’t had any time to myself this week to care or dress the way I need to… it’s been boy boy boy BOY 24/7 GRRRHH LET ME OUT

yay!!!

so many newbies recently, it’s made me feel not alone :3

could make sense for some, slightly easier than needing to encrypt everything before uploading

wtf same?? 😮

solution: everyone gets free estrogen! /j

I am this year’s class!! I just wanna get it over with and move on… close one chapter and open the next

honestly still find it pretty funny that my journey feels reversed, things that are “easier” to do are hard for me and the “harder” things are more manageable…

• outfits: I have no idea what I want, exploring takes time I don’t have atm, I can’t store them somewhere easily accessible, I can’t wear them very often, ugh. I do have a skirt and thigh highs which I love though so I know that much at least… I’m now in full support of pants ban >:3
• shaving: also pretty spotty, I’ve gotten a routine together but I can’t do my arms or face without making spawnpoint get all on my case again…
• haircut: I already have long hair, but I can’t style it or explore, ditto with shaving

but then??

• therapy: appointments are available in the near future so I’ll have to check them out
• job: very likely coming I hope… I want my own money just in case of anything
• name: I have a name already and it sticks… love it sm and my friends use it whenever we talk
• HRT: zero barriers!?? thank you PP but wtf that was scary fast 😆

I’m starting to see how the rest of the world is ready to accept me far better than my spawnpoint… keeping away from her and making myself better is the goal!!

ragebait? I’m not even British this food just looks like it was intentionally cooked in the worst ways possible

cute comfy looking fit :3

I posted about it before, but I got my first injection done yesterday!! inside I’ve been feeling super great :3

my spawnpoint has just been getting on my nerves lately though, hot weather coming up and she won’t stop bugging me to wear short sleeves and shorts… LITERALLY NO… I can’t even explore further than plain long sleeves and sweatpants because of you… I do NOT want to go back to the masc stuff

some part of my impulsiveness just wants to do it one day just to let her see that I’ve already shaved myself quite well, but then home life would get quite a bit more explosive… she thinks I’m following her “advice” and not doing any transition. I know I can’t keep up the lies and deception forever… but I gotta try really hard to hold out at least until after my high school graduation

as always, my life is always a mixed bag… sigh 🫠

hehe for me it’s been anything red. everything red and red adjacent like a deep pink/orange is just popping out at me even if it’s something I’ve seen before… so much it might be my new favorite color if this keeps up :3

the first things I’m noticing subtly is how sunshine and rainbows everything feels rn… I have no idea if this is just what normal feels like but I haven’t had any negative feelings since I woke up and everything looks so colorful, that last one is probably just spring rolling in though