I’m a 52-year-old father, and I’m honestly at my wit’s end here. My 22-year-old son wants to change his last name to “Carrington,” and it’s driving me absolutely crazy. You see, he was named after me, and now he wants to throw that away just because he doesn’t like our family name. He’s been talking about this since he was 15-17, but I foolishly believed it was just teenage angst that would fade away with time. But here we are, years later, and he’s still hell-bent on becoming a “Carrington.” Why?
Well, for one, he’s never liked me or my last name, and he’s not close to my side of the family at all. My parents are in their 90s and still alive. I have siblings, but my son never spends time with them, and neither did I ever let my son visit them. The last time my son saw my parents or my siblings was when he was 10 years old, and that was it. But still, that doesn’t give him the right to change his last name, let alone to that of some character name he likes.
Because he watched some soap opera called “Dynasty” and fell in love with their last name. I mean, seriously? Changing his name to a fictional character’s name from a TV show sounds absolutely ridiculous to me. I’m really struggling to understand this whole situation. We don’t have any Carringtons in our family, and it feels like he’s disrespecting our family lineage and his ancestors. It’s like he’s trying to cut ties with his own heritage, and that just breaks my heart.
If he had a valid reason, like adopting his mother’s maiden name, changing his last name to his wifes name or for religious reasons, I would probably be more understanding. Heck, if he was transgender and changing his name to better reflect his identity, I would fully support him. But this? It feels like he’s going through some sort of identity crisis and hates himself for no good reason. I’ve suggested that he consider professional help or therapy to sort through his feelings and understand why he’s so adamant about this change.
But he brushes it off, saying he’s sure about this decision. I’m his father, and I can’t help but feel like it’s my business too. After all, I named him, and our family name has been passed down through generations. Now, it seems like it’ll stop with him.I want him to know that I still love him, but I won’t call him “Carrington.” To me, he’ll always be my son with the name I gave him. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but changing his name to something so fictional just seems immature and crazy to me.
My son also has no respect for me whatsoever. He doesn’t like me, care about me, and finds me annoying. He straight up said, ‘I couldn’t give a fuck less about you or your opinion. The fact that you think I should care proves how utterly stupid you are.’ He doesn’t consider his mother’s brother or cousin his ‘family’ either, and he truly doesn’t give one fuck about what I feel about this decision.
TL;DR: My 22-year-old son wants to change his last name to “Carrington” just because he watched a soap opera and liked their name. I think it’s ridiculous, disrespectful to our family lineage, and shows a lack of understanding about his own identity. I won’t call him “Carrington” and hope he’ll come to his senses soon. Any advice would be appreciated.
But here we are, years later, and he’s still hell-bent on becoming a “Carrington.” Why?
I think you answered this yourself directly after this.
Well, for one, he’s never liked me or my last name, and he’s not close to my side of the family at all…I have siblings, but…neither did I ever let my son visit them. The last time my son saw my parents or my siblings was when he was 10 years old, and that was it.
From my perspective your side of the family sounds dysfunctional. You have siblings and living parents but you don’t see them and won’t let him either? What exactly does this lineage represent to him I wonder? Isolation? Disappointment? Bad feelings? I can’t imagine it’s anything good.
But still, that doesn’t give him the right to change his last name
Depending on his age, you have no say in this decision and I think you need to come to grips with that.
For actual advice: talk to him and try to understand what is driving this without judging him or trying to change his mind. Additionally, I’d work to repair your extended family relationships, with your son. If his linage is real people he has bonds with, I suspect he would be less willing to sever those ties.
I wish you the best of luck.
He asks this question entry month
Your son has the right to walk away from your “heritage” and to be called whatever he wants. Period.
It seems like you lack respect for your son as a fully developed human being with his own will. He doesn’t exist to fulfil your values and selfish desires.
You failed to earn his respect and love. Now he’s an adult if you continue to be narcissistic, he will walk away permanently.
I’m still gonna count this ass an age gaps post.
My 22-year-old son wants to change his last name to “Carrington,” and it’s driving me absolutely crazy.
Why?
Well, for one, he’s never liked me or my last name,But still, that doesn’t give him the right to change his last name
Being a grown-ass adult does though…
I’m his father, and I can’t help but feel like it’s my business too.
It’s not.
My son also has no respect for me whatsoever. He doesn’t like me, care about me, and finds me annoying. He straight up said, ‘I couldn’t give a fuck less about you or your opinion. The fact that you think I should care proves how utterly stupid you are.’
TL;DR: My 22-year-old son wants to change his last name to “Carrington” just because he watched a soap opera and liked their name
If you read your own post it’s pretty clear it’s not “just because he watched a soap opera and liked their name”
What the schmuck does this have to do with dating? Are you dating your son who is 30 years younger than you?
Seems pretty dumb to me, but also not much you can do about it other than damage your relationship with your son, and I don’t think you want to do that.
My son also has no respect for me whatsoever. He doesn’t like me, care about me, and finds me annoying. He straight up said, ‘I couldn’t give a fuck less about you or your opinion. The fact that you think I should care proves how utterly stupid you are.’ He doesn’t consider his mother’s brother or cousin his ‘family’ either, and he truly doesn’t give one fuck about what I feel about this decision.
I think the best course of action is to put your foot down and tell him he’s stupid and crazy for wanting to name himself after a character he likes. Surely belittling him and trying to control his life will earn his respect.
Seriously, though, what the fuck are you thinking? Your kid is rebelling against you and your family. He wants an identity that he can be proud of, and for whatever reason he isn’t proud of your family name. You don’t tell us why, but your reaction to it is a strong indicator of how you treat your kid.
Have you tried being supportive? Have you tried loving your child regardless of whether he makes decisions you disagree with? Have you tried listening to his feelings and understanding his motivations without judgement? Have you live your life as an example for how to be a good person and make good decisions? In other words, be a parent. It’s never too late to change.
